RIP Jonghyun – You did Great.



Image result for jonghyun



It is 23rd of Dec and it is two days since Jonghyun of Shinee has been laid to rest. But I Am being paranoiac since the day he had been found dead. I am constantly looking for more information for more details for more explanation and surfing the net for new updates. The media has already moved on and people from his agency started to act as normal in their job schedules, but why am I still stuck with this? I have decided to write  just to move on,  but in order to move on I need to put my thought out on this page.

I have never been fan of Shinee but I listen so many songs of Jonghyun and Shinee. I have even saw the boys twice, during the dream concert and once by incident at the mall. I remember myself trying to go deeper into the crowd and check who was there and when I could finally see who was on that stage I met Jonghyun’s eyes for a sec. It did not change anything, I am just saying that I was not related to Shinee at all in any possible ways.

Taking own life cross my mind many time before and at time it pops up, but it is always something I would never consider because I always knew that I will get over it one day and life will go on. I had a very difficult childhood and teen ages so difficult, so anything is endurable for me right now in this life. But thing I have to admit that most of the time I just had no guts for it.

He had  fame, money, fans. I wanted to know what was missing. People around him had never noticed it and people who knew never paid attention to him. Emotional Lonely? so Lonely that he had decided to go through that. How planed it was, he did not do at his own place he did it in a rented flat, he went there with the solid confidence and he did it. And many usually say, that weak people take own lives, but I say no. Only strong people can do that, people who are weak cannot go till the end.

He was very emotional in many ways and you don’t need to know him personal to understand, just listen to his song and watch his performances. I am saying this because I can not stop watching all the videos related to him.

There is no one to blame, and if you have been next to him you couldn’t have stop him, he is not to blame for leaving he just used his 100 percent and he put all his life to archive it. He had reach the top where he could not archive more, though he made many people happy, the things is that there were not way to move forward and it made him unhappy. He had accomplished too much too soon.


It is all my opinion here, as I am saying I just needed to type  my thoughts away from sleepless nights and gain my life back and make it run as normal.

Rest in peace Jonghyun, I hope you’ve reached the heaven safely and already dancing and singing with angels under the rainbow. You will never be forgotten, your fans will always have you in their hearts and your songs will always be a reminder of your great talent. You did great and you really work very hard.


Shawols please stay strong and if anyone anywhere int he world need to someone to talk to I can always hear you out.



I wonder if you keep it

you broke a heart

and gave me half

of pendant that we shared

you said its our love

and chained it on your neck

now years had gone

and half of love

been kept away and hidden

because its other half

i wonder, if you keep it

shall I return

or ask to give me

the missing part of love

because the broken heart

i wanna fix it

so i can try again to love

To a Soldier …….

I looked at you right outside the window

you were just stepping of the porch

and suddenly i felt the shiver

from thought that never should be heard.

I run to you before you reach the cab

and i did screamed your name so loud

and my bear foot were cold and numb

and we could her the both heart pound.

you swift me of the foot and took me back

and told me just to think of other new life

that was just couple weeks away

that growing slowly, right inside me

the new life born, and its a boy

with everything that says about you

and now he hanged your army uniform

above the folded flag in his room

Streetlight…… and a shadow

I see your shadow at the corner

the street light is my spy

why did you come again

I wonder

just to be sure that i am ok?

I will pretend that you’re unnoticed

like all the other days

the streetlight later gonna show you

you way from me away

I hope your shadow wont be here

tomorrow and the other day

i hope that you will finally get over

what done is done, now it’s my pain

now we are strangers, just two people

who share the planet earth

without light there is no shadow

with out you there is no hurt



while i was waiting for the rain to hide my  heavy tears

your brought her an umbrella and sheltered her from fears

and all what i was thinking and crying our loud

why couldn’t God had made me, the one with you so near.

Beauty by The Shivers

i live off love
i feed off love
i breathe off love
i think of love
i drink of love
i sink in love
and in the middle of the night i need my love
i need to grieve and need to need and be in love
my love is gonna come to me

i give my love and all my love to you, my love
i feast on love, a beast for love, release my love
you’re scared and unprepared for love, don’t care my love
cause youre the only woman i’ve been dreaming of
i swear to god i’m loving you for that
i swear to god i’m making you my wife

and if you ever leave me
i never will be sore
i’ll love you ’til you’re lonely
then i’ll love you some more just before

beauty beauty beauty, there’s nobody near me,
there never was
beauty beauty beauty, there’s nobody near me,
there never was.

Hope…. For falling star

Those billion of stars that shine

to make us feel so fascinated

and we just wait for them to fall

for wish that never will be granted

Another start had fallen hard

and broke into a million pieces

and take away the wish I’ve made

yet one more time to no existence

Again I left with nothing but a  hope

while looking at the dark sky

that other star will start to fall

so i can make a wish that can be granted

Вопросы и Ответы 

за окном уже рассвет,

а я глазом не сомкнула

В голове ищу ответ

На вопрос из неоткуда

То ли жизнь сплошная мука

Толи мука зто жизнь

Не могу найти ответа

И ворпоса тоже нет

За окном уже светло

А я только засыпаю

И во сне как на яву

На вопросы отвечаю

Present…. is Today


is day that over

and tomorrow

day is yet to come

may be it’s a present

that you need to open

to find out

what you have right now

if somebody could have told you

day and time when you will die

you would cherish every second

every second will be live

think of present as a last one

you will never get it back

live it so you can remember

every day of your own life.


Narrow … Walk

Image result for narrow streets with bricks walls

the narrow street

with side tall lights

it takes me to nowhere

and I just walk

and i just wait

for lights go off

for sun to rise

then i will see

that street still narrow

and all i have is bricks on sides

the side lights soon

come back to live

while i still walk

my walk to nowhere

will never change

there’s no way back

because the road

that left behind me

is long enough

as long as life

has been too long