My Grandfather’s song

Many years had passed, I think my Grand Father was already 70, when I have witness the meeting of my grandfather and his first wife.

She had recovered and left the city, married and had another daughter, and thanks to the daughters they have reunited after many, many years. They could not look straight into each other eyes and I felt more sadness for my Grand Mom, because at that moment she felt very uncomfortable. They exchange few words in Korean, she refused to stay for dinner and left. It was the last time they have ever met.

It’s been almost 5 years since my grandfather left this world, to continue his life with the pretty angels. He was sick for about a year straggling with the failed liver. I saw him for the last time just a month before he died.

Only after he left, my Grand Mom had started to talk about her life with him, I have never knew till then how unhappy and how angry she was all those times. She was keep on saying that my grand father never loved her, never cared about her, because he could never forget his first wife and forgive himself for giving up on her. Thou for my Grand mom it was a love marriage, he was in love with my granddad when they have met, as for my grand dad is was just an arranged thing, he was forced into that by his own aunt and older brother.

I don’t know if he met his first wife in heaven, but I hope they did. I hope they had a very long conversation and said to each other all what they had to say for so many years. I AM SORRY, I LOVE YOU, I FORGIVE YOU.

But i will always remember my grandfather singing to my grandmother on her 60th birthday. I remember the tears of my uncles and aunties, because to was his token of appreciation for all those years. It was the only time for many people who knew him, including me and my parents, including my aunties and uncles. it was for the first time and the last time we all heard him sing.

Next week i am going to see my grandmother, and when I am going to her a hug i am gonna hold her tight like no one did before, and i am gonna tell her that I love her, like no one told her before.



My Grandfather’s favourite Child

I remember that day when I have learned the story about the other wedding.

I was not a small girl any more and very much matured, and when I finally asked my mother about it, i was sure she would tell me everything, because, remember, i was her spy,

– don’t tell me you didn’t know it yet?

I was surprised about my Mom’s reaction, and she said

– I thought your older cousin has already told you everything.

– My older cousin?

– Your cousins mother is your grandfather’s daughter from the first wife.

– So my grandma is his second wife? and she is not my aunty’s mother?

– yes, But this is something you should not talk about, I hope you understand.

The story i have learned from my mom was short. My grand father had a first wife, who was diagnosed with tuberculosis right after giving the birth to their daughter, and she was in the hospital for a long time with no way to see her and no way for her to be dismissed.Those time there was no cure for it and anyone who has been diagnosed with it had very little chances for life. So after a year of waiting, my grand father had married my grand mom.

During next years after i learn the truth, i started to understand about so many past comments to conversations i have heard.

I learned that my Grand father loved his first wife a lot and she was very beautiful, though he was a play boy, a very handsome playboy she won his heart.

I have noticed that my Oldest Aunt so much not alike to the rest children in the family and I have noticed that she loved her step mom a lot and they did get along well, and she always remained as my grandfather’s favourite child.

to be continued…

My Grandfather’s Other wedding

After I moved to a new school it took me a while to adjust, but thanks to my first teacher, i was a disappointment for my new teacher.

Of day my grand parents finally visited us and i was waiting for my grand father with the school group foot from the previous school.

– GrandDaddy, my first teacher look at her. Do you remember her? she said she knows you and she was at your weeding.

My Grand father looked at the picture for a while and said that it was so long ago he doesn’t remember.

Then i gave the same picture to my GrandMom and asked her.

– She was at your wedding, may be you can remember her?

she looked at the picture and said in Korean

– I think it was the other wedding.

By that time i have learn to hide my ability to understand Korean, because i used to play the game called Spy and i was my Mom’s spy every time I was with my father’s parents.

OTHER WEDDING was in my mind for a long time, i think it took almost 10 years to find out what she meant.

My Grand Mom was my grand father’s second wife.

to be continued…

My First Teacher’s First Love

I don’t remember much from my first year at school because in the middle of it I had to switch from one school to another, but the first school I remember only because of two particular things. The boy who was sitting at the same desk with me and my Teacher.

It was couple of month before i left the school, we had a tea party in our class room and my teacher asked me where will i speak my break.

– I will spend it at my Grandparent place out side the city in the village

– Where is it?

– it is the village that located next to the biggest tomb hill

My teacher looked at me for and took few seconds before saying

– I know this village, this is were i started to work as a teacher. I bet you know the old man who drives the yellow milk truck.

– Of cause i know him

I was so happy and i was laughing loud while replying to my teacher and i said

– Its my Grand Daddy

I don’t remember, what was her reaction when i said that, but she kept on asking me question until she was convinced that I was my grandfather’s granddaughter.

After this day, i also remember my father coming to school and talking to her. I remember her telling him how much he resembles his father, and she was right, my father was a spitting image of my grandfather as I am of my father. And i remember she said that she was at my grandfather’s wedding.

Then I move the school, but i never knew till now that this was a reason, i had to leave the school and the boy who was sitting next to me.

to be continued ….

Loneliness on a sad day

I have no one to talk to right now

So if you’re here let me know

if your loneliness needs to be heard

I am here don’t just think on your own

don’t you know everything has it say

even sad days have their reasons

by this time i have already learned

about their favourite seasons


I have tattoo

it says ” this too shall pass”

but feel my life, it has no motion

when bed things happen, all stand still

and its so difficult to cross it

i have tatto

it says just “love”

its written on a hand so they can see it

the thing i am looking all the time

the thing i always missing

i have tatto

its from ‘Invictus”

about how i am thankful for my soul

i made it to prevent my bad thoughts

and take my life as it was giving from the start

i have tatto

its Capricorn

behind my ear , its just a sign

they say that capricorns are very friendly

i am your friend I need a friend.

Downhill of my life

and again i’m standing at the downhill of my life

and again i am lost and scared and lonely

and again i feel like life is so unfair

and again i want this time for me to  come to end

yet i know the  better days will be there

yet i know these bad days all be gone

yet i still can not control emotions

yet again i am scared, i am lost, and all alone

life is short they say i guess not mine

just because the downhill is unpretty

and the darkness of it all around

make me wanna look for that one light.

but i won’t give up i’ll keep on climbing

may be there is something i forgot

thats why life has taken me to downhill

to remind me that the hill has other side.

i will live on and come back to downhill

may be many, many other times

but i will make my self keep going

till the downhill will become my paradise.