My Lord, today I bend my knees
and hands has come together
I lived another day of life
of life that you have gave me
I want to ask if i did right
the way i spend the hours
of day that has just passed me by
it passed and i cant live it over.
I might not know details of action
this days i just go on and on
sometimes i don’t even remember
the things the timing and so on.
believe me, i am also worried
that days are passing just like this
that’s why i wonder every morning
if i deserved my last night sleep
just please control me i think i am losing
the power that i have had
i think the thing of getting older
is now the seconds matter what i live.
they say don’t look behind your path
and keep on moving forward
but longing of those faces left behind
is much much stronger
what if your deeds you’ve done is better
than what you gonna do ahead
what if your life was longer
what if that was a life you left
right now to live this world is harder
so hard its like those squeezing shoes
that make you stop from walking forward
and makes you call it for an end
Russian is my mother tong
English is inside of my mind
Korean is always in my ears
because their music is unique
I use 1 part of 10 Korean
2 parts of it po russkiy *
the rest is always English
because i have no choice
I wish one day to think po Russkiy *
say everything in Hangook Mal *
and never ever use my English
I think i really have had enough
* po Russkiy from Russian language means in Russian
* hangook Mal from Korean means Koran words to speak
waking up is not a problem
even if its 5am
coffee cup with cigaret
staring at the wardrobe
what to wear today?or what to be?
killing for an answers?
i just wanna wear my life
will it be a nonsense?
everyday is other day
even if its gloomy
i would love to have an option
of a different life to wear.
I don’t know if you have read one of my previous posts about Take That and how they have changed my life.
So today Oct17th 2014 after 20 years of waiting i am going to see Gary Barlow Performing live in Dubai. Just couple of hours away.
For the past few day, i wake up in the morning with the sound of my pounding heart because day by days hour by hour that moment was closer and closer.
I am nervous I might break down in tears and cry and I dont want to scare people around me during the concert. But they wont understand what those tears mean to me.
I will be back to this again with more details.
Right now i am going to say that i am about to experience a moment of dream coming true. A dream that has been made by 15 years old girl in poor Uzbekistan, just after USSR was no more, a dream that she never thought would come true. and now at age 35 after 20 years it will actually happen.
day after day, post after post
everybody think i live like a boss
i basically never work and strangle
and never faced a problem in my life
those pictures after pictures that i post
they think i am so happy and never in loss
i show them only happy faces
what with this life of lies and happy faces?
what if i start to post that i am poor
that i have no income and have no clue
what if i say i am always hungry
and never had the dream to live of my very own
will they believe or try to help me
will they extend their helping hand
or may be they just simply block me
and never wanna see me once again
i Photoshop my life on daily basis
i show them life so they can envy
will you agree with me right now?
when i say you Photoshop your life