What I live

My Lord, today I bend my knees

and hands has come together

I lived another day of life

of life that you have gave me

I want to ask if i did right

the way i spend the hours

of day that has just passed me by

it passed and i cant live it over.

I might not know details of action

this days i just go on and on

sometimes i don’t even remember

the things the timing and so on.

believe me, i am also worried

that days are passing just like this

that’s why i wonder every morning

if i deserved my last night sleep

just please control me i think i am losing

the power that i have had

i think the thing of getting older

is now the seconds matter what i live.

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WHAT IF …..

they say don’t look behind your path
and keep on moving forward
but longing of those faces left behind
is much much stronger

what if your deeds you’ve done is better
than what you gonna do ahead
what if your life was longer
what if that was a life you left

right now to live this world is harder
so hard its like those squeezing shoes
that make you stop from walking forward
and makes you call it for an end

Languages of my life

Russian is my mother tong
English is inside of my mind
Korean is always in my ears
because their music is unique

I use 1 part of 10 Korean
2 parts of it po russkiy *
the rest is always English
because i have no choice

I wish one day to think po Russkiy *
say everything in Hangook Mal *
and never ever use my English
I think i really have had enough

* po Russkiy from Russian language means in Russian
* hangook Mal from Korean means Koran words to speak

SINCE I SAW YOU LAST

Drama on a sofa

Yesterday was a day to remember, and the day i will cherish till I die.
My the only dream among so many that has come true after 20 years of waiting.

Gary was amazing and the concert was just the way i have imagined it would be.
Yes I cried, but i was not the only and yes i scream my already sick lungs out and even i feeling very weak today, i am a million live times happy.

There were so many Brits on the concert and fee were looking at me with surprise, thinking may be how come this asian girl knows all the lyrics , few even gave me a smile may be thinking it was really looked funny see me singing A MILLION LOVE SONG and scream GARY I LOVE YOU )))

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Life to wear

waking up is not a problem
even if its 5am
coffee cup with cigaret
staring at the wardrobe

what to wear today?or what to be?
killing for an answers?
i just wanna wear my life
will it be a nonsense?

everyday is other day
even if its gloomy
i would love to have an option
of a different life to wear.

Gary Barlow in Dubai Oct 17th

I don’t know if you have read one of my previous posts about Take That and how they have changed my life.

So today Oct17th 2014 after 20 years of waiting i am going to see Gary Barlow Performing live in Dubai. Just couple of hours away.
For the past few day, i wake up in the morning with the sound of my pounding heart because day by days hour by hour that moment was closer and closer.

I am nervous I might break down in tears and cry and I dont want to scare people around me during the concert. But they wont understand what those tears mean to me.

I will be back to this again with more details.

Right now i am going to say that i am about to experience a moment of dream coming true. A dream that has been made by 15 years old girl in poor Uzbekistan, just after USSR was no more, a dream that she never thought would come true. and now at age 35 after 20 years it will actually happen.

PHOTOSHOPPING MY LIFE

day after day, post after post
everybody think i live like a boss
i basically never work and strangle
and never faced a problem in my life

those pictures after pictures that i post
they think i am so happy and never in loss
i show them only happy faces
what with this life of lies and happy faces?

what if i start to post that i am poor
that i have no income and have no clue
what if i say i am always hungry
and never had the dream to live of my very own

will they believe or try to help me
will they extend their helping hand
or may be they just simply block me
and never wanna see me once again

i Photoshop my life on daily basis
i show them life so they can envy
will you agree with me right now?
when i say you Photoshop your life